Don’t get the wrong idea. This blog is not intended to be sad, depressing, or self-pitying. Rather, it is celebratory. As most of my friends are now married or engaged, I am still having adventures as the last single gal. Although I sometimes feel down that I am turning 30 next month and I am newly single, and I sometimes worry that I may never find the right guy for me, I realize how awesome it is to be single and free, rather than suffering in a bad relationship with the wrong guy (something I did for years before I finally smartened up). Sometimes I also feel really down about my weight, as I have gained so much in the past couple of years, but I will never give up trying to better myself, and that includes my efforts to become healthier and lose weight (my goal is to lose 73 lbs.). Although the title of this blog may sound negative, I am celebrating myself and the fact that it is ok to be 30, fat, and single. It is ok to be me and while I’m not perfect, I am awesome, and I have a lot of other things going for me: I have a pretty good job and I earn a decent salary and get tons of vacation time, I get to work with awesome and hilarious kids, I have a sweet Husky puppy who makes me smile everyday, I have awesome and supportive family and friends, I have an education, and I like to think I’m pretty smart and caring and an overall fabulous person. It can get lonely sometimes where I am (I live in an isolated Northern community since September), but I have a great support network and plus I have ma dawg to keep me company.
This blog is going to document my constant efforts to improve myself, be happier, and try to find something to smile about everyday. If I ever meet the right guy for me, then that’s great, but that’s no longer the focus of my life and it is such a freeing thing to realize that I don’t need a man in my life. In the last 5 years I’ve had 4 horrible relationships, each one worse than the last. I stayed in all of them much, much longer than I should have, even when I knew the relationship was pretty much wearing a toe tag, but I so desperately wanted to be in a relationship that I stopped putting my own needs first. I sacrificed so much of who I am, I am ashamed to say. No more. The next relationship that comes along … I won’t accept anything less than I deserve.
I always thought that I’d be the first one of my friends married. Ironically, it turns out I will probably be the last. Most of my friends have already tied the knot, and the rest are all engaged or living with someone. I never thought I’d be the first one married because I’m so great and somebody would snatch me up right away or something like that, but I was always such a romantic. I always believed in love. And foolishly, I believed that love would be easy to find. It turns out, not so much. Well, judging from my track record, it’s easy to find but not easy to keep! I did the math, and in the 11 years I’ve been dating (I was a late bloomer), I’ve spent about 7 of those years in relationships … which means I was only single for 4 years of my adult life. So I have a lot of fun and flirting and adventures ahead of me. I was doing myself a disservice all that time I spent going out with dudes who didn’t treat me right. I like to think I’ve learned a lot though, and I’m not as naive as I was.
But I’m not saying that I have given up on love. No, never. I know that 30 is still young, and there is so much time to find love. If I do. Which now I realize, is not a given. Maybe I’ll stay single, or maybe I’ll meet the love of my life next year. Who knows? But for once I’ve decided to focus on me, and what I want. That’s why I took a huge career step this year, even though it meant leaving everyone I love and moving to an isolated fly-in community. It’s all about me now. So wish me luck on my journey.