Big steps

So I feel like puking right now, I’m so nervous … I’m gonna be meeting Matt’s family tomorrow (his parents and his 6-year-old son)! Because I’m going to be spending the weekend with them at their cabin. God I am so socially awkward, I have no idea how I’m going to get through this … just be myself?? :/

Also feeling a bit upset because my bubby had surgery today. He’s doing well, but I’m just a nervous doggie mom. And I feel bad about leaving him for the weekend. But my mother, angel that she is, has agreed to care for him. It’s not great timing but I’m leaving in two weeks, so this is probably my only chance for the summer to spend a weekend with Matt.

Back to Matt … so I kind of misread things … I had assumed that he didn’t want anything serious, given that I am only here for a short time before I have to go back to work. And, you know, he’s a guy. And I find that they usually don’t want anything serious anyway. That, plus the fact that he made some comment to me recently like “I don’t know how you can go without sex for that long. I couldn’t do it.”

So I was pretty surprised when he told me that he has feelings for me and wants to pursue a long distance relationship. I’m happy and excited, and I think I might have a lot of feelings for him too, but I’m also wary. Very, very wary. Because I’m not ready to get hurt again. I’m not ready to rush into anything. I’ve done long distance before, and I find that in general it just. does. not. work. I’m not gonna meet anybody up in the Great Northern Wilderness. But he’s awesome and he might meet a girl. And I don’t want him to feel shitty if that happens. When I told him that, his response? “I don’t want to meet anybody. I just want to be with you.”

Annnnd, I’m melting …