Heart broken, body stronger …

Some big news … I am OFFICIALLY single again … had to break up with Mr. M 😦

I guess it was mutual though by the end of it …

There was just too much going against us. Besides the distance and our busy schedules, and his emotional distance and commitment phobia, I was really uncomfortable about his relationship with the Ex-Mrs. M.

I get it that she’s “the mother of his child,” (a phrase I got sick of hearing), but they’ve been divorced for 4 years and we’d been dating for 10 months, so I felt that he should not constantly put her needs and wants ahead of mine. His child, absolutely. His ex-wife, not so much. I feel that I deserve better than to take a backseat to somebody’s ex-wife for the rest of my life. She had gotten to the point of “marking her territory” so much, she might as well pi$$ on him, from making love to his Facebook wall on a daily basis, to (the last straw) asking him to record an album with her. I’d had enough.

I’m glad they are friends for the sake of their child, but their relationship was too weird … and I would have been ok with the album recording, etc. if I felt that they were over each other … but they are clearly not. She has said some not-so-nice stuff about me, and Mr. M has said some not-so-nice stuff about her man … they are both jealous and possessive of each other. He claims that their relationship is “normal and healthy” … I feel that it is anything but. And everyone in my life has encouraged me to leave him, and applauded me for doing so. I realize now that I was not happy. I ended up on anti-depressants for frig’s sake (which I am still taking and I credit for being able to deal with the breakup so well).

But it’s not just about the Ex-Mrs. M … I came to the realization that not only does Mr. M care about her too much, he did not care about me and my feelings. He showed me this time and time again … I can’t even think of one instance where he cared about me or how I felt.

So basically I decided that I’d had enough, I’d sacrificed enough of myself, and it was time to toss this relationship in the trash where it belongs … and although it hurts I’m proud of myself to be on DAY 17 of NO CONTACT! Although he’s made that easy by not contacting me as well. Probably he doesn’t even care that I broke up with him … I would not be surprised.

So now I’m single again at 31 … yes I want to get married and have kids, and every year that goes by that that doesn’t happen, it makes me sad but you can’t force it. I don’t know yet what the future holds for me.

In other news, I have consistently lost weight since I started doing the 8-Hour Diet … to the point that people are noticing now, which makes me feel great. Since the breakup I have been focusing on my weight loss and fitness, even started jogging again … also focusing on myself and my relationships with my friends and family. This is Me time now. No more anxiety over a failing relationship. How liberating!

And also received the awesome news that my work contract is being extended at least until the end of March 2015 … so I am still gainfully employed in a job that I love for the foreseeable future.

Life is good. 🙂

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Well it’s been waaaay too long but not a lot has changed.

In point form:

>I turned 31.

>Work is still going great.

>I did not win the Biggest Loser competition, but I did lose 5 lbs. Not great for 12 weeks though. But I started doing this “8-Hour Diet” and it’s working really well. Basically I stopped eating breakfast. It goes against everything that is shoved in our faces about how to be healthy and lose weight, but it’s been working for me. And I’m not as starving as I used to be by lunchtime everyday.

>Relationship is a bit up and down … great for the most part, but having some doubts about it lately … for starters, Mr. M seems to be a bit commitment-phobic … I definitely want to get married and have kids (some day) but he apparently “doesn’t even think” about these things yet … because 1., he’s already done both of those things. And 2., he’s a man, so he doesn’t have this ticking biological clock that I have. Maybe 10 months in is not a good time to discuss these big future plans, but I wonder, how long should I wait at this point in my life? Any thoughts? I figure if we are not moving forward by the 2-year mark at the latest, it’s time to toss it. (And by moving forward, I mean engaged probably). Maybe this is why I’m still single … I guess I scare men away.