Reflecting on love and good fortune …

Apparently I’ve become accident-prone. While walking the dog yesterday, I slipped and fell on some ice and actually landed on my head. That has never happened to me before … usually I can brace myself with my hands or arms, but not this time. My head hit the pavement so hard I actually heard a crack. I never had a lump but my head hurt all over; what decided me on going to the emergency room was the fact that my neck felt both stiff and numb; I was also worried that I might have done further damage to my collarbone. But luckily I was fine and I didn’t even have to wait long at the hospital. I just pulled the muscles in my neck, and the doctor put me off work for the day, so I guess everything worked out for me in the end. However, my dream of returning to yoga class seems further and further away from me all the time … sigh. I keep hurting myself :/

On a more positive note, Valentine’s Day turned out to be great. The bf and I decided that we were not gonna see each other because he had to work, and we were expecting a snowstorm (this makes long distance relationships tricky). But on Saturday it was clear skies, so I showed up at his place after work with steaks, wine, and cheesecake 🙂 It was a win!!

It feels really weird (in a good way, of course) to finally be in a normal relationship with a great guy who treats me really well. When I think of my past, I mostly feel shame that I allowed guys to treat me like crap for so long. I accept that I was partly responsible for that because I participated and kept putting myself in those situations. After kissing so many frogs, I finally met my prince … the guy that I was convinced did not exist. Ladies, do not give up on finding Mr. Right … if I can, anybody can! And it can happen so fast. I think back to where I was this time last year … in a relationship that was also long distance, but with a guy who could never be bothered to come visit me. I always had to go see him. And yes he was a single dad but his ex-wife shared custody and his parents were always available to babysit. Over the course of our one year relationship, he only came to visit me twice! WTF is that!? This was a guy who called me the C-word when he was angry and said “I dare you to do better.” Well, guess what buddy … I DID do better. And not only did I find someone who treats me better – treats me like I’m important and I matter – but somebody who wants the same things I want in life: a marriage, a family, a life together. I can’t fault my ex for not wanting those things, but I can fault him for not being honest and stringing me along for so long.

So much can happen in a year, and I’m so grateful that I found something better, something real. And I’m glad that even with all of the crap I went through in all of my relationships, that I never gave up on the hope of finding real love.

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Take another little piece of my heart …

Oh Janis … I feel your pain …

Yep, things are about to get really emo around here for a few minutes.

Realization: being single is much harder when you’re in a unique situation where there aren’t even any possible options for love. Case in point, I live in a tiny isolated community where I pretty much know everybody. If love was lurking around here somewhere, it would have shown its face by now.

I feel like I am just stumbling blindly through the dark, reaching out for something that is not there.

I used to love being single … when I could go out to a bar and find someone to flirt with. Now I just sit at home. At least I have the dog for company.

I never knew 30 would be like this …

I actually have two little crushes, that I suspect have partly arisen from boredom. But I’m pretty sure both are unrequited. And I’m so not even in a position to allow myself to be rejected right now. Still way too damaged by my s.o.b. ex.

Anyway, I also gained 4.5 lbs. in the past week.

But it’s not all bad news … I’m really looking forward to my vacation. 🙂