Reflecting on love and good fortune …

Apparently I’ve become accident-prone. While walking the dog yesterday, I slipped and fell on some ice and actually landed on my head. That has never happened to me before … usually I can brace myself with my hands or arms, but not this time. My head hit the pavement so hard I actually heard a crack. I never had a lump but my head hurt all over; what decided me on going to the emergency room was the fact that my neck felt both stiff and numb; I was also worried that I might have done further damage to my collarbone. But luckily I was fine and I didn’t even have to wait long at the hospital. I just pulled the muscles in my neck, and the doctor put me off work for the day, so I guess everything worked out for me in the end. However, my dream of returning to yoga class seems further and further away from me all the time … sigh. I keep hurting myself :/

On a more positive note, Valentine’s Day turned out to be great. The bf and I decided that we were not gonna see each other because he had to work, and we were expecting a snowstorm (this makes long distance relationships tricky). But on Saturday it was clear skies, so I showed up at his place after work with steaks, wine, and cheesecake 🙂 It was a win!!

It feels really weird (in a good way, of course) to finally be in a normal relationship with a great guy who treats me really well. When I think of my past, I mostly feel shame that I allowed guys to treat me like crap for so long. I accept that I was partly responsible for that because I participated and kept putting myself in those situations. After kissing so many frogs, I finally met my prince … the guy that I was convinced did not exist. Ladies, do not give up on finding Mr. Right … if I can, anybody can! And it can happen so fast. I think back to where I was this time last year … in a relationship that was also long distance, but with a guy who could never be bothered to come visit me. I always had to go see him. And yes he was a single dad but his ex-wife shared custody and his parents were always available to babysit. Over the course of our one year relationship, he only came to visit me twice! WTF is that!? This was a guy who called me the C-word when he was angry and said “I dare you to do better.” Well, guess what buddy … I DID do better. And not only did I find someone who treats me better – treats me like I’m important and I matter – but somebody who wants the same things I want in life: a marriage, a family, a life together. I can’t fault my ex for not wanting those things, but I can fault him for not being honest and stringing me along for so long.

So much can happen in a year, and I’m so grateful that I found something better, something real. And I’m glad that even with all of the crap I went through in all of my relationships, that I never gave up on the hope of finding real love.


And just like that …

… the holidays are almost over!

I am really looking forward to having an enjoyable New Year’s Eve after the last several crap ones. I have an awesome boyfriend to kiss at midnight, a beautiful dress (that I got for sale $30 oh yeah!), and a party to go to.

Speaking of boyfriend, he spent Christmas with me and my family and I couldn’t be happier. We spent six days/nights together in a row (three at my place, then three at his). He spoiled me over Christmas with so many nice gifts, including a key to his apartment ❤ 🙂 Also a beautiful necklace. I am the luckiest, happiest girl in the world. We haven’t had a real “fight” yet (well, it’s only been three months so we should still be on our “honeymoon”), but spending so much time together has caused us to bicker a bit and irritate each other at times. We are currently spending two days apart so we can have some time alone and do the things we need to do … he is working today, actually. I also had a pile of laundry to do (he has no washer/dryer).

Pants are tight, especially with all of the holiday eating and drinking … however, I have started walking again with my dog (my mother the angel was taking care of him and walking him due to my broken collarbone). I am really enjoying the holidays (and time off work) and although I am dreading going back to work (because I have so much to do when I go back), I am kind of looking forward to starting my detox and getting some of this combination holiday/accident weight off.

Gettin’ fappy (fat+happy)

My weight has crept back up to 180, which was very scary for me, after keeping in the 170s throughout most of the summer and fall. I am now at my heaviest weight since late August and not feeling great about it (even though my hot younger bf makes me feel sexy anyways 😛 ).

After the phenomenal success of my 10-day detox diet in the summer (lost 8 lbs. in 10 days), I am going to attempt doing it for 20 days, starting on Monday (after the birthday celebrations of my best friend this weekend). So that’s Monday, November 17th to Saturday, December 6th. I am really nervous but also really excited about it at the same time, and hoping I have success with it again. And I’ll be finished in time for the holidays … I’ll get to indulge without feeling gross in my holiday dresses.

Things are going amazingly well with Snakes … as Nicki Minaj would say, he loves this fat ass … 😛

In all seriousness, he did tell me that he loves me … and I feel the same way. We are doing really well at making it work, even with the semi-long distance. I can’t say enough good things about him and I am so happy. And the sex is just WOW. Sorry for TMI. But it’s true. I love being with him, even if we’re just on the couch watching a movie. He’s so much fun and so easy to get along with. ❤

So I’ll be starting my detox again on the 17th … and I’ll be updating regularly and looking for lots of moral support. Help me! 🙂

It’s been about a month since my last post … I suck at blogging.

Still in my 30s.

Still fat.

No longer single 🙂

I hit it off with Snakes Guy … we are officially an item!

It turns out that the snakes don’t really bother me … I’ve even touched and held them! So that’s new …

Work has been stressful lately and my diet has gone to $hit, but I can’t get the smile off my face because I’m falling in loooove 🙂

He’s really the greatest guy I’ve ever met … probably too early to feel this way, but it feels like we’ve known each other for years.

Hopefully this all doesn’t go to $hit, like all the relationships of the past!

We see each other whenever we can … hopefully the 90 min. drive doesn’t put a damper on things.

I really like you, but …

Well, the summer has come to an end. I’m back to work full-time tomorrow. I did a lot of fun things, but there were a lot of things I wanted to do that I didn’t get to do. But overall I enjoyed this summer, the weather was great, and I did have some small personal victories.

I know that my next big mistake is probably right around the corner, but I can’t help but think that just maybe, all of my failed romances have made me just a little bit wiser. I’m in my 30s now … maybe I really am ready to grow up and stop taking crap from relationships. I feel that I really know what I want now. And I definitely know the things that I don’t want.

Mr. M has made a couple more half-assed attempts at contacting me. For what, I don’t know … I don’t know if he’s just trying to be nice or if he has some hopes of getting me back. And I’m glad to find that I don’t care enough to find out. He messaged me about a month ago to tell me that he wanted to talk to me and he wanted just to hear my voice. I responded that I was working but we could talk later … never heard from him for two weeks, at which point he messaged me just to let me know that I looked beautiful in my new profile pic. Too little, too late, Mr. M. Apparently he had been waiting for me to call … I have no idea why he thought I was going to do that. I don’t break up with a guy and then look pathetic by calling four months later.

Anyway, all things considered, I do still care about Mr. M and wish him well, even though he pummeled my heart into a pile of unrecognizable crap, then lit it on fire, then pissed on it. (Sorry for the analogy.) Anyway, I do think that he is a great person … just not the right person for me. In the past I’ve had a terrible habit of clinging to a relationship – any relationship – as something worth saving, even when it was hilariously obvious at times that it. was. not. working. I’m glad I didn’t waste too much time with Mr. M trying to make it work (although I did waste some time).

So I’ve realized that it’s ok to say, “I really like you, but …”

For instance, “I really like you, but you’re obsessed with your ex-wife.” No thanks. NEXT!

I’m kind of tinkled pink to say that I finally did “move on” in the sexual sense – a true sign of being “over” Mr. M – I did have one summer hook-up! (I feel that I’m really getting too old for hook-ups, so one is the limit I guess.) However, the guy was French and hardly spoke any English (actually, that was half the fun). And because he’s not from around here, I will never run into him again. C’est la vie!

I am trying my hand at the online dating thing for the first time this year (yes, I am a dinosaur). I haven’t *actually* met anyone in person yet (my first and only attempt ended up with the guy cancelling at the last minute, bummer) but I think it’s coming soon.

There was one really sexy guy I was talking to who moved here from Brazil … his profile pic was like MMUNFGGH sexyyyy. But then he was really pushy and kept hassling me about an in-person meet before I was ready (plus we live 90 mins. away), and also wanted me to go to his house on the first meeting (no way!). So I said, eff that. I really like you, but you’re pushy as hell. NEXT!

But then I met a really great guy and we’ve been talking non-stop, exchanging pics, etc. We have almost everything in common … he loves animals, loves Stephen King, wants to have children some day, hates country music, loves cheese, etc. Also it doesn’t hurt that he is simultaneously cute and sexy, and can make/build stuff (I love that in a man). So he’s basically my perfect man. Except for the fact that he, like, collects snakes. BIG ones. I have no problem with little snakes but I’m really nervous about dating a guy who has pets that could eat me … would, in fact, find me delicious if given the opportunity (his largest will grow to 15 ft. and 200 lbs. when full-grown). He says they are in tanks but still … *cold shivers* He also gave me a big speech about how he will never get rid of them (I didn’t ask!) so I have to know what I’m getting into before we start dating. I’ve been forewarned.

So I was faced with a dilemma. Should I say “I really like you, but … you have pets that could eat me.” And that probably won’t happen, but I also look at it from an everyday, practicality perspective … I couldn’t watch them eat, let alone feed them if he asked me to (like if he was out of town or something) … guinea pigs, rats, etc. I know it’s the circle of life and all that crap, but ew, no.

Also, because I’m 31, I do think about THE FUTURE. Like, if things got serious … he’s in the process of moving and says that his house will have to have an entire room devoted to snakes … do I want to some day live in a house that has a Snake Room?

But I really like him … so I decided to give it a chance and see if I can be comfortable with the snakes. If I can’t deal with it, I guess I will have to move on. I don’t know if I am compromising myself again or just giving something a chance … but it seems silly to throw away a great guy because I don’t like his choice of pets.

Maybe I should just relax, take a deep breath, take it slow, and see what happens. At the very least, I may have made a new friend 🙂