Well, the summer has come to an end. I’m back to work full-time tomorrow. I did a lot of fun things, but there were a lot of things I wanted to do that I didn’t get to do. But overall I enjoyed this summer, the weather was great, and I did have some small personal victories.
I know that my next big mistake is probably right around the corner, but I can’t help but think that just maybe, all of my failed romances have made me just a little bit wiser. I’m in my 30s now … maybe I really am ready to grow up and stop taking crap from relationships. I feel that I really know what I want now. And I definitely know the things that I don’t want.
Mr. M has made a couple more half-assed attempts at contacting me. For what, I don’t know … I don’t know if he’s just trying to be nice or if he has some hopes of getting me back. And I’m glad to find that I don’t care enough to find out. He messaged me about a month ago to tell me that he wanted to talk to me and he wanted just to hear my voice. I responded that I was working but we could talk later … never heard from him for two weeks, at which point he messaged me just to let me know that I looked beautiful in my new profile pic. Too little, too late, Mr. M. Apparently he had been waiting for me to call … I have no idea why he thought I was going to do that. I don’t break up with a guy and then look pathetic by calling four months later.
Anyway, all things considered, I do still care about Mr. M and wish him well, even though he pummeled my heart into a pile of unrecognizable crap, then lit it on fire, then pissed on it. (Sorry for the analogy.) Anyway, I do think that he is a great person … just not the right person for me. In the past I’ve had a terrible habit of clinging to a relationship – any relationship – as something worth saving, even when it was hilariously obvious at times that it. was. not. working. I’m glad I didn’t waste too much time with Mr. M trying to make it work (although I did waste some time).
So I’ve realized that it’s ok to say, “I really like you, but …”
For instance, “I really like you, but you’re obsessed with your ex-wife.” No thanks. NEXT!
I’m kind of tinkled pink to say that I finally did “move on” in the sexual sense – a true sign of being “over” Mr. M – I did have one summer hook-up! (I feel that I’m really getting too old for hook-ups, so one is the limit I guess.) However, the guy was French and hardly spoke any English (actually, that was half the fun). And because he’s not from around here, I will never run into him again. C’est la vie!
I am trying my hand at the online dating thing for the first time this year (yes, I am a dinosaur). I haven’t *actually* met anyone in person yet (my first and only attempt ended up with the guy cancelling at the last minute, bummer) but I think it’s coming soon.
There was one really sexy guy I was talking to who moved here from Brazil … his profile pic was like MMUNFGGH sexyyyy. But then he was really pushy and kept hassling me about an in-person meet before I was ready (plus we live 90 mins. away), and also wanted me to go to his house on the first meeting (no way!). So I said, eff that. I really like you, but you’re pushy as hell. NEXT!
But then I met a really great guy and we’ve been talking non-stop, exchanging pics, etc. We have almost everything in common … he loves animals, loves Stephen King, wants to have children some day, hates country music, loves cheese, etc. Also it doesn’t hurt that he is simultaneously cute and sexy, and can make/build stuff (I love that in a man). So he’s basically my perfect man. Except for the fact that he, like, collects snakes. BIG ones. I have no problem with little snakes but I’m really nervous about dating a guy who has pets that could eat me … would, in fact, find me delicious if given the opportunity (his largest will grow to 15 ft. and 200 lbs. when full-grown). He says they are in tanks but still … *cold shivers* He also gave me a big speech about how he will never get rid of them (I didn’t ask!) so I have to know what I’m getting into before we start dating. I’ve been forewarned.
So I was faced with a dilemma. Should I say “I really like you, but … you have pets that could eat me.” And that probably won’t happen, but I also look at it from an everyday, practicality perspective … I couldn’t watch them eat, let alone feed them if he asked me to (like if he was out of town or something) … guinea pigs, rats, etc. I know it’s the circle of life and all that crap, but ew, no.
Also, because I’m 31, I do think about THE FUTURE. Like, if things got serious … he’s in the process of moving and says that his house will have to have an entire room devoted to snakes … do I want to some day live in a house that has a Snake Room?
But I really like him … so I decided to give it a chance and see if I can be comfortable with the snakes. If I can’t deal with it, I guess I will have to move on. I don’t know if I am compromising myself again or just giving something a chance … but it seems silly to throw away a great guy because I don’t like his choice of pets.
Maybe I should just relax, take a deep breath, take it slow, and see what happens. At the very least, I may have made a new friend 🙂