And just like that …

… the holidays are almost over!

I am really looking forward to having an enjoyable New Year’s Eve after the last several crap ones. I have an awesome boyfriend to kiss at midnight, a beautiful dress (that I got for sale $30 oh yeah!), and a party to go to.

Speaking of boyfriend, he spent Christmas with me and my family and I couldn’t be happier. We spent six days/nights together in a row (three at my place, then three at his). He spoiled me over Christmas with so many nice gifts, including a key to his apartment ❤ 🙂 Also a beautiful necklace. I am the luckiest, happiest girl in the world. We haven’t had a real “fight” yet (well, it’s only been three months so we should still be on our “honeymoon”), but spending so much time together has caused us to bicker a bit and irritate each other at times. We are currently spending two days apart so we can have some time alone and do the things we need to do … he is working today, actually. I also had a pile of laundry to do (he has no washer/dryer).

Pants are tight, especially with all of the holiday eating and drinking … however, I have started walking again with my dog (my mother the angel was taking care of him and walking him due to my broken collarbone). I am really enjoying the holidays (and time off work) and although I am dreading going back to work (because I have so much to do when I go back), I am kind of looking forward to starting my detox and getting some of this combination holiday/accident weight off.

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Still recovering … tomorrow will be three weeks since my accident. I am still in a lot of pain, and there are many other headaches associated with this … it was a real kick in the pants getting my ambulance bill in the mail yesterday. I get hit by a drunk driver and now I am having to pay bills upon bills, filling out paperwork for insurance, taking time out of my day for appointments, etc. … all of this on top of the actual pain. But yes, I know that I am lucky to be alive and relatively well, and it could have been a lot worse. I’m so happy that myself and my sweet guy are ok. We celebrated his birthday this week and soon we will have our first Christmas together. 🙂

Physically, there have been some improvements … we are able to have (gentle) sex again, YEAH! And I can’t go to yoga, lift weights, etc. but I have started walking again. I also try to get more steps in each day (the Fitbit helps with that). I also started driving again, even though it makes me nervous.

I have decided that I will try my detox diet again starting on January 5th … the craziness of the holidays will be over then and I should be recovered enough to do some gentle exercise (hopefully).

Wishing everyone healthy and happy holidays XO

Go hug the one you love! And love your pets. And be happy. 🙂

Gettin’ fappy (fat+happy)

My weight has crept back up to 180, which was very scary for me, after keeping in the 170s throughout most of the summer and fall. I am now at my heaviest weight since late August and not feeling great about it (even though my hot younger bf makes me feel sexy anyways 😛 ).

After the phenomenal success of my 10-day detox diet in the summer (lost 8 lbs. in 10 days), I am going to attempt doing it for 20 days, starting on Monday (after the birthday celebrations of my best friend this weekend). So that’s Monday, November 17th to Saturday, December 6th. I am really nervous but also really excited about it at the same time, and hoping I have success with it again. And I’ll be finished in time for the holidays … I’ll get to indulge without feeling gross in my holiday dresses.

Things are going amazingly well with Snakes … as Nicki Minaj would say, he loves this fat ass … 😛

In all seriousness, he did tell me that he loves me … and I feel the same way. We are doing really well at making it work, even with the semi-long distance. I can’t say enough good things about him and I am so happy. And the sex is just WOW. Sorry for TMI. But it’s true. I love being with him, even if we’re just on the couch watching a movie. He’s so much fun and so easy to get along with. ❤

So I’ll be starting my detox again on the 17th … and I’ll be updating regularly and looking for lots of moral support. Help me! 🙂

I really like you, but …

Well, the summer has come to an end. I’m back to work full-time tomorrow. I did a lot of fun things, but there were a lot of things I wanted to do that I didn’t get to do. But overall I enjoyed this summer, the weather was great, and I did have some small personal victories.

I know that my next big mistake is probably right around the corner, but I can’t help but think that just maybe, all of my failed romances have made me just a little bit wiser. I’m in my 30s now … maybe I really am ready to grow up and stop taking crap from relationships. I feel that I really know what I want now. And I definitely know the things that I don’t want.

Mr. M has made a couple more half-assed attempts at contacting me. For what, I don’t know … I don’t know if he’s just trying to be nice or if he has some hopes of getting me back. And I’m glad to find that I don’t care enough to find out. He messaged me about a month ago to tell me that he wanted to talk to me and he wanted just to hear my voice. I responded that I was working but we could talk later … never heard from him for two weeks, at which point he messaged me just to let me know that I looked beautiful in my new profile pic. Too little, too late, Mr. M. Apparently he had been waiting for me to call … I have no idea why he thought I was going to do that. I don’t break up with a guy and then look pathetic by calling four months later.

Anyway, all things considered, I do still care about Mr. M and wish him well, even though he pummeled my heart into a pile of unrecognizable crap, then lit it on fire, then pissed on it. (Sorry for the analogy.) Anyway, I do think that he is a great person … just not the right person for me. In the past I’ve had a terrible habit of clinging to a relationship – any relationship – as something worth saving, even when it was hilariously obvious at times that it. was. not. working. I’m glad I didn’t waste too much time with Mr. M trying to make it work (although I did waste some time).

So I’ve realized that it’s ok to say, “I really like you, but …”

For instance, “I really like you, but you’re obsessed with your ex-wife.” No thanks. NEXT!

I’m kind of tinkled pink to say that I finally did “move on” in the sexual sense – a true sign of being “over” Mr. M – I did have one summer hook-up! (I feel that I’m really getting too old for hook-ups, so one is the limit I guess.) However, the guy was French and hardly spoke any English (actually, that was half the fun). And because he’s not from around here, I will never run into him again. C’est la vie!

I am trying my hand at the online dating thing for the first time this year (yes, I am a dinosaur). I haven’t *actually* met anyone in person yet (my first and only attempt ended up with the guy cancelling at the last minute, bummer) but I think it’s coming soon.

There was one really sexy guy I was talking to who moved here from Brazil … his profile pic was like MMUNFGGH sexyyyy. But then he was really pushy and kept hassling me about an in-person meet before I was ready (plus we live 90 mins. away), and also wanted me to go to his house on the first meeting (no way!). So I said, eff that. I really like you, but you’re pushy as hell. NEXT!

But then I met a really great guy and we’ve been talking non-stop, exchanging pics, etc. We have almost everything in common … he loves animals, loves Stephen King, wants to have children some day, hates country music, loves cheese, etc. Also it doesn’t hurt that he is simultaneously cute and sexy, and can make/build stuff (I love that in a man). So he’s basically my perfect man. Except for the fact that he, like, collects snakes. BIG ones. I have no problem with little snakes but I’m really nervous about dating a guy who has pets that could eat me … would, in fact, find me delicious if given the opportunity (his largest will grow to 15 ft. and 200 lbs. when full-grown). He says they are in tanks but still … *cold shivers* He also gave me a big speech about how he will never get rid of them (I didn’t ask!) so I have to know what I’m getting into before we start dating. I’ve been forewarned.

So I was faced with a dilemma. Should I say “I really like you, but … you have pets that could eat me.” And that probably won’t happen, but I also look at it from an everyday, practicality perspective … I couldn’t watch them eat, let alone feed them if he asked me to (like if he was out of town or something) … guinea pigs, rats, etc. I know it’s the circle of life and all that crap, but ew, no.

Also, because I’m 31, I do think about THE FUTURE. Like, if things got serious … he’s in the process of moving and says that his house will have to have an entire room devoted to snakes … do I want to some day live in a house that has a Snake Room?

But I really like him … so I decided to give it a chance and see if I can be comfortable with the snakes. If I can’t deal with it, I guess I will have to move on. I don’t know if I am compromising myself again or just giving something a chance … but it seems silly to throw away a great guy because I don’t like his choice of pets.

Maybe I should just relax, take a deep breath, take it slow, and see what happens. At the very least, I may have made a new friend 🙂

 

Big steps

So I feel like puking right now, I’m so nervous … I’m gonna be meeting Matt’s family tomorrow (his parents and his 6-year-old son)! Because I’m going to be spending the weekend with them at their cabin. God I am so socially awkward, I have no idea how I’m going to get through this … just be myself?? :/

Also feeling a bit upset because my bubby had surgery today. He’s doing well, but I’m just a nervous doggie mom. And I feel bad about leaving him for the weekend. But my mother, angel that she is, has agreed to care for him. It’s not great timing but I’m leaving in two weeks, so this is probably my only chance for the summer to spend a weekend with Matt.

Back to Matt … so I kind of misread things … I had assumed that he didn’t want anything serious, given that I am only here for a short time before I have to go back to work. And, you know, he’s a guy. And I find that they usually don’t want anything serious anyway. That, plus the fact that he made some comment to me recently like “I don’t know how you can go without sex for that long. I couldn’t do it.”

So I was pretty surprised when he told me that he has feelings for me and wants to pursue a long distance relationship. I’m happy and excited, and I think I might have a lot of feelings for him too, but I’m also wary. Very, very wary. Because I’m not ready to get hurt again. I’m not ready to rush into anything. I’ve done long distance before, and I find that in general it just. does. not. work. I’m not gonna meet anybody up in the Great Northern Wilderness. But he’s awesome and he might meet a girl. And I don’t want him to feel shitty if that happens. When I told him that, his response? “I don’t want to meet anybody. I just want to be with you.”

Annnnd, I’m melting …

Yummy yummy yummy I got love in my tummy …

A bit premature for me to toss the L-word around, but I have some great news … found out that my crush was mutual! 🙂 🙂 🙂
So I am now seeing my crush … let’s call him … oh I dunno … Matt. So I have had a crush on Matt for almost two years, and apparently he has also felt the same way, but when we met we were both in relationships so we only pursued this recently. But we both didn’t know how the other one felt …

I’m still not sure if we’re compatible, but I will have a fun time in the next month or so finding that out (until I have to go back to the North, waah waaaahhhh). It sucks that I already know, it’s not really going anywhere. Because it has a time limit on it. Anyone else out there ever have a “summer romance” or something that had a time limit on it? I feel a lot of pressure to see him as much as possible because the summer is just slipping through my fingers like so much sand. And I have other things to take care of, as well as other friends and family I need to spend as much time with as possible.

I was feeling a little guilty that things moved into the bedroom as quickly as they did, but as I pointed out already, we’re on a time limit here, and it’s been a looooong time for me. :/ Heh. Also, it’s not like I just met the guy. I’ve been mentally undressing him for almost two years. Enough is enough!

But maybe I need to stop OVERTHINKING and just enjoy Matt when we get the chance to be together (which is not often, as he works a lot, lives 1.5 hours away, and is a single father). Being with him makes me happy, and that can’t be bad. Right? Right. He is so nice, funny, sweet … he makes me feel so good about myself and I love being with him. Cheers to summer! 🙂

Why, hello vodka …

From having alcohol and take-out reintroduced to my body, I have gained 2 kg. in the past 2 weeks! Gasp! I am going to have to cool it. Still trying to do Weight Watchers but my points rack up so fast. I wonder how I will ever manage in the real world; some day I will not be living in a place that has no alcohol and no take-out.

Attempts to meet up with my crush have not gone well. The day that I had planned to see him, he got called in to work. Plus we live 1.5 hours apart. So I was pissed a feeling a bit loser-y that I have made two attempts to meet up with him now and it hasn’t worked out. And although it was his idea and he talked all year about us meeting up, I started to feel like I was making all the effort and maybe he wasn’t interested anymore (if he ever was). But judging from a conversation we had today, he still really wants to meet up. Unfortunately he doesn’t have a car at the moment, so I will have to do most of the work in making it happen. Sigh. I am not going to get my hopes up about this guy anymore, but I am also not going to write him off. I can’t be mad that he got called into work, and I know he really needs the money.

I also had a delightul time Wednesday night when I went to my friend’s bar and was surrounded by three guys all flirting with me! Well, one of them I suspect may have been just joking around … this kid was also very very drunk. He is also a former student (I know that sounds icky, but he’s like 22 now). For some reason, when some guys get in their 20s they seem to develop this fascination with flirting with their former teachers. Or even hooking up with them. But I feel like this guy was not really flirting, maybe just being an ass. But he didn’t bother me, I was having a good time. There was another nice guy that I was actually interested in, a bit closer to my age (28) but I ended up going home early. However, I ran into him the next day and he was very sweet, kind of following me around, bought me a beer, and told me that he wished I had stuck around the night before! Again, I had to leave (I don’t get piss drunk in the daytime usually, so I didn’t!). This too seems promising. He is very cute! The third guy was 23, never met him before. He’s the only one of the three who was DEFINITELY interested in me, but I didn’t like him too much. He was a bit rude. However, all three guys were cute and all younger than me! Ooohhh summer is so much fun already! And my confidence is definitely boosted. Also if I keep up with the younger guys (the 23-year-old I hooked up with over Christmas holidays), I wonder if I will become a “cougar”? 😛

Done done done done done!!!

Today was the last day of school! I made it! I survived my first full year of being a classroom teacher! (I don’t really count my years as a hagwon teacher in Korea, it was totally different).

Giving out awards and report cards today made me realize, as hard as this year was, how much I am going to miss those kids. Even the ones who cursed at me. Even the ones who threatened me. Even the ones who made me go home at the end of the day and just cry. They’re just kids, after all.

However, I am beyond excited to start on my summer adventures with Bubby (btw, not my actual dog’s name, but his alias on this blog, lol; it’s a cross between Baby and Puppy). I have so much to do, so many people to see! And I know how much the time will fly!

A lot of work has gone into the last two weeks … report cards, two proms (high school and kiddie prom), awards, cleaning out and packing up the classroom, etc. But there is such a sense of relief that I made it through the year and I know that next year will be easier, and even better. I will get the hang of this. Discovered that failing a student is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in life. It is such a bad feeling but you just have to let go and accept that you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink!

Weight has still not budged since last update. So much stress eating has been going on with end-of-the-year jitters. But I will be keeping active this summer, and try not to go overboard on the Tim Horton’s iced capps!

My sister was sweet enough to make up an itinerary for my brief stay with her in Toronto. Unfortunately she will be working some of the time I’m there, but it sounds like she plans to make the most of it with me! Anyway it’s not like my first visit … I go every year! I usually stay longer, but with the dog this year I don’t want to overstay my welcome.

Things I am looking forward to this summer that I have missed all year living on the reservation: well, I already mentioned iced capps; alcohol (especially frozen drinks, sitting on a deck outside); sex (hopefully I will break the dry spell, it’s been almost a year I’m sad to admit); shopping!!!; going to the movies. Cheers to summer and I hope everybody has a good one! I plan to live mine to the fullest!